Who's Hot? Tila Tequila, That's Who!

Oh, Tila Tequila, you filthy, filthy whore. I have no idea how you became famous. I have never seen your show, listened to your music, or viewed your myspace page .

You're so trashy, you make New York seem sanitary. Your fame is ticking at 14 minutes and 35 seconds and you've used it well. I give you props for that.

Now go away.

Who's Hot? Arianna Huffington, That's Who

Ok, so Ms. Huffington isn't hot because of the accent (what country is that from?), or the innovative blog she started (innovative because she doesn't pay the writers), or her failed run for governor of California (if that were true Gary Coleman would be hot).

She's hot for one reason: Her jugs.

Who's Hot? New Attorney General Mukasey, That's Who!

Oh, Soon to be Attorney General Michael Mukasey. Although the old age, grey hair, balding top, wrinkles, glasses, nose hair, smell of Gold Bond, and being a Republican are all a bit creepy, knowing that you don't consider waterboarding torture let's me know you like things freaky! S&M is hot and so are you!

Who's Hot? Rep. John Boehner, That's Who

Oh, House Minority Leader John Boehner (pronounced bay-ner), what is it about you that drives my skin wild? Is it the radiation from your perpetual tan or the lingering smell of Barclay cigarettes? Cancer may be knocking on your door, but you are still hott!

Who's Hot?: CNN's Candy Crowley

Is it the way she can name every member of the Senate or the way she can shut Wolf Blitzer up? It's obviously not her hair, but something about CNN's Candy Crowley makes me hot! She's a college girl too!