Happy New Year To Me

2008 is going to be my year.

By the end of 2008 I will have a new job, more money, better hair, savings, six pack abs, new cell phone, a dog named Pete, no credit card debt, more friends, better friends, cooler friends, hotter friends, less vanity, more me-time, and that's it.

Oh tell me what you think of this insult:

Is that sass
Coming from your ass
You call a mouth?

I just thought of it today. I might use it on someone.

Ok, Happy New Year to all of you.

BTW: This is my 100th Post!

Merry Christmas To All

Ho Ho Ho, Christmas is here. Here's a song that always puts me in that jolly Christmas spirit.

Worst Movie Pitch Contest

Radar Magazine is having a Worst Movie Pitch Contest judged by Harvey Weinstein.

I just entered the contest and so can you at this link.

Here is my submission:

The Pitch: Holocaust Survivor Moves to 1950's New York; Wackiness & Romance Ensue

The Premise: Down and Out Holocaust Survivor, Emanuel Goldstein, emigrates to Post-WWII New York after losing his family. All alone, Emanuel meets squirrels with the ability to talk in Central Park, Chuck, Stevie, and Barry. With the help of his new friends, Emanuel learns the ways of America, moving on after loss, and finding new love. Will their advice work when it comes to romancing Lydia, Emanuel's co-worker at the Italian Deli?

It's "Sophie's Choice" Meets "Alvin & the Chipmunks"

The Cast: Emanuel: Adrien Brody
Voice of Chuck: Hank Azaria
Voice of Stevie: Ben Affleck
Voice of Barry: Jon Voight
Lydia: Jessica Alba

My Third Death Has Come

Everything comes in threes. I believe that saying, especially when it comes to death.

Believing that, I became worried last night when at work my boss's grandmother had died. There's one...who will be next?

Later that night when I got home my roommate got a phone call saying her great uncle died. There's two...who will be next?

At that point I was kind of freaking out. Two deaths to people I didn't really know. Would the third death be someone close to me?

Nope, I just got news Dennis Kucinich's brother died, Perry.

I'm sorry for his family's loss, but am very much relieved. Thanks for filling the third spot, Perry. R.I.P.

Coke Commercial Being Taped on Connecticut & L, NW Now

As I walking back to work from lunch, I noticed a film crew at Connecticut and L, NW by Farragut North Metro Station.

I asked one of the crew members what was going on and she said it was for a Coke commercial.

So I strolled around a bit to see if I could see anyone famous and who did I see...

Former Senate Majority Leader Bill Frist!

If he's acting or now a consultant for Coke, I don't know which.

Either way, Pepsi anyone?

"One Magic Christmas": A Christmas Heartbreaker

If there is one Christmas movie that breaks my heart more than any other it would have to be "One Magic Christmas". The beginning with the Grangers being evicted from their apartment and crabby Ginnie not getting a moments peace, even in the shower, leaves me emotionally drained.

And then when I think this movie can't get any sadder the bank robber shoots Ginnie's husband, hijacks kids in the car and proceeds to drive off the road, killing them all. The following scene with Ginnie (Mary Steenburgen) running after the car always has me in a complete sobs.

After that the movie takes a strange turn where Gideon the angel brings the kids back to life followed by Santa doing the same to the dad, Jack.

What I find so amazing about the film is how it represents impoverished America, from a mother on food stamps to abusive managers at low-skilled jobs. And although Ginnie is depressed, her husband Jack and kids look on the bright side of life. Of course in Ginnie's defense, she's the one working at the grocery store while unemployed Jack builds bikes all day.

Anyway, I think the film does a great job at showing the struggles many in this country go through financially this time of year. A side we rarely see in today's TV and movie.

DC's Best Commercial

Sorry, Eastern Motors. The throne for most catchy and just plain messed up commercial in the DC region has passed to....

Afros Cut!!

**Video plays all three Afros Cut commercials**

Stadium Traffic Scares My Neighbors

The Washington Post has this article on the fears many of my Southwest neighbors have with likelihood of traffic congestion following the completion of the National's new stadium.

I say in the words of our fearless leader, "Bring em' on!"

I see nothing but blue skies and blooming roses in this situation. Here's my list why:

1. The thousands of visitors will mean boom times for our nonexistent restaurants and shops.

2. And with all these people floating around we'll have a whole new class of people to despise.

4. More cars mean more smog. It is about time our air matched the color of the nearby Anacostia River. Royal Brown.

5. We'll get to watch the progression of our neighborhood turn from crackhouses to trendy condos and back to crackhouses, all within a few years.

6. Higher chance of SW pedestrians being hit by cars. Money in the bank for the injured.

7. Last but not least why this is good news: I don't drive and I don't use the Navy Yard Metro. I could give a fuck!

Good Times.

Huckabee's Son Hangs Dogs?

Newsweek has this article on Mike Huckabee's son David who in 1998 hanged a dog at a Boy Scout camp, allegedly.

A few questions:

1. Aren't the candidates' brothers suppose to be the fuck-ups, not the kids?

2. Did Ms. Huckabee serve fat for breakfast to her family each morning?

3. Was Whoopi right? Is torturing dogs apart of southern culture?

4. Could this photo be any creepier?

5. When did the boy scouts start giving out Future Serial Killer badges?

Tired of Reruns?

Damn you, writers and your strike!

I am sick of reruns, although Intervention and Nip/Tuck are going strong, but that only helps on Monday and Tuesday.

Well, I have found a solution. AOL Video.

I just got done watching all great episodes of the 1999 TV show Action. Remember it? Well, it starred Jay Mohr and Illeana Douglas. The show was way ahead of its time.

As was Maude, which I am watching now. Yes, I did say Maude.

Right now Maude's daughter and Florida are making jokes about women who put Ms. on the front of their names. Hil-ar-ious.

I can't wait for Maude to have her abortion.

Crazy Cab Ride

When I take a cab I really enjoy talking to the cab drivers from other countries. Most are polite and have very interesting histories. So last night as I left the club at 3 in the morning, I took a cab home. But this cab driver was a black American, so I couldn't use my usual first question of "what country are you from?".

As I rode along, I noticed that the cab driver had two books on his dashboard: "Idiots Guide to the Internet" and "The Truth of Roswell". Noticing the book on Roswell, I decided I could use it to strike up a conversation.

We talked a lot about the cover-up, if aliens are here now watching over us, what the government knows, and all that other alien conspiracy-type talk. As the ride entered its last leg, we noticed a guy on the road waiting for a cab. Since we were close to my house, I said it would be fine for us to pick him up.

The conversation continued and our new passenger, who was also a black American, joined in. As the cab pulled up to my house, the driver made one final point claiming the validity of the Roswell book. The forward was written by Senator Strom Thurmond.

This is where everything started to turn wacky, and so for it, I am going to write as if it is a script.

Me: So why does having a forward written by Strom Thurmond make it good?

Cab Driver: Because Strom Thurmond was a great man.

Me: Umm, didn't he run for President in the 1950's in order to keep segregation alive in the south?

Cab Driver: Well, what does that have to do with anything?

Me: Well, he kind of did that because he was racist against black people.

Passenger: Yeah, but didn't he have a black daughter?

Me: Yes, an illegitimate daughter he kept in hiding.

Passenger: Thomas Jefferson had black children too. He was a good man.

Me: He may have had black children, but he still kept them as slaves.

Cab driver: Well, Strom Thurmond still was a good man because of his efforts against aliens.

And scene.

Different, huh? How did this happen? How did I get into a conversation with two black men who were defending Strom Thurmond?

Oh well, whatever.

Reevaluating Time's "Reevaluating the Rape of Nanjing"

Time Magazine has a column by Coco Master titled, "Reevaluating the Rape of Nanjing". It's a very interesting article. The part on how Coco Master felt some shame about his Japanese heritage after learning about the massacre that occurred in Nanjing by the Japanese in 1937 was very moving, touching, blah blah, all that jazz.

But the one thing that really bothers me about the piece is the how he includes information from two professors on the fault of the United States in supposedly covering up the atrocities. He writes that

Serious historians do not doubt that the massacre took place. But there is much disagreement over the details. Were 200,000 people killed or 300,000? Were 20,000 raped or 80,000? The whole truth may never be known. According to Samuel Yamashita, a professor at Pomona College in the U.S., details of the massacre and other atrocities were swept under the rug in postwar Japan, because the U.S. needed a strong Japanese nation on their side to counterbalance the growing threat of Communist China. "Execute a few heinous individuals and forget about everything else." That's how Joshua Fogel, a modern Asian studies historian at York University in the U.S., describes the American response to the massacre. "Just imagine if that had been the solution for postwar Germany rather than the Nuremberg Trials," Fogel says.

I found some serious errors in these conclusions:

- Why would during the post-WWII years the United States have "swept under the rug" these atrocities to counterbalance Communist China. China was a republic until 1949, four years after WWII had ended. Though the Chinese Civil War did begin again in 1947, the United States did not actively need a strong Japan to support Chiang Kai-shek's vicious regime. It didn't even know if it should support the nationalists.

- And why would the US want a strong Japan? The US just fought a massive war against it. At that time, a militaristic Japan was more cause for concern than a communist China.

- Onto what Joshua Fogel says about "executing a few heinious individuals and forget about everything else". That's not true either. 25 major Japanese political figures and over 5,700 Japanese nationals were charged for war crimes under the International Military Tribunal for the Far East. That doesn't sound like "just a few" individuals to me. Oh, and these tribunals began in 1946 and ended in 1948, before the rise of Communist China.

I think the paragraph was included to get the attention of the American readers of the article. As with most things American, if we aren't in it, we aren't interested.

But that doesn't mean you have to place blame on the US for the coverup of the rape of Nanjing. That won't alleviate your shame anytime soon.


**I know my sources are wikipedia, which isn't the most reliabled, but I wanted to type this up in a hurry. I had nothing else. **

Update: Pope Coming to DC

Today, a generous though anonymous reader (my Mom?) left a comment on my Pope in DC post from a while back informing me that there is a way to stay connected to the Catholic community even if you are not the most active.

The organization is called Stay Young - Adults and is sponsored by the St. Thomas Apostles Church.

I have to tell you, I am wowed by the information they have on their websites. Both seem to be very friendly and inviting and I suggest you sign up if interested.

Now you are probably wondering what this means for me as a recent Quaker convert. Well, I don't know, but I think I am going to put off Quakerism for a bit and go back to my Catholic heritage.

Will I be attending mass? Let's not push it.

I will see about attending one of the Stay Young events though, especially if Pope tickets are involved.

Am I a walking hypocrisy or what?!?

TGIF: I'm So Excited

Well, maybe not that kind of excited. Oh well, sing it, Jessie.

Baseball's Steroid Report

These two funny jokes came rolling into my head this afternoon so I thought I would share.

Question: What is more anticlimactic than finding out most All-Star Baseball Players took steroids?

Answer: A baseball game.

Ok, wait I have a better one.

Question: What is more boring than today's Baseball Steroid Press Conference?

Answer: A baseball game.

Oh I'm hilarious. I can't stop. Wait, I can and I am.

What Ever Happened to Lisa "Left Eye" Lopez?

The music biz is rough. Here one day, gone the next. I hope someone gives her a break soon and allows her to release some new jams.

I'm a Quaker!

You heard it hear first, everyone. I've converted to Quakerism, a.k.a the Religious Society of Friends.

Well, I haven't actually attended any of the masses or "friend sessions" or whatever they call them, or been through any actual initiation procedure, if that even exists, but I've made the conscious decision that I am a Quaker, which I think is the first step toward being a Quaker.

This all came about a few nights ago when I was watching the last season of Six Feet Under. Nate and Brenda attend a Quaker mass or whatever it's called under the influence from Maggie (George's daughter).

The whole ceremony seemed so spiritual to me. I need to be closer to God and have time to reflect. What better way to do it than at a Quaker mass or whatever it's called.

I also want to be a Quaker because of Maggie from Six Feet Under. She was so pious. Even though she had experienced so much loss in her life, she still seemed to be a forgiving, caring, and sympathetic soul.

Ok, so, Maggie had some flaws. She slept with Nate who was married and expecting another child, and, yes, the love making did end up killing him, but she felt really, really bad about it. She brought Brenda a quiche after the funeral. That's atonement if I've ever heard of it.

I'm getting off track. Anyway, I am going to become a Quaker or actually I am already. I know, I haven't figured that out yet, but basically I am one.

Does this make me a minority? Cause if so, I want the tax exemption status.

I Met My First Star Trek Geek

Start Trek Geeks - I personally never thought they existed, and if they did they only ventured out of their dank basements on rare occasions, like for a convention or Flag Day.

But they do and are around us at all times, disguised as normal humans. Until one day they slip up and reveal their true geek form by using some metaphor related to the show that seems to go on for hours and sedates most normal people.

That very thing happened to me today.

So who was this creature, you wonder. The cleaning lady? The security guard? The shy attorney no one likes? No, It was my BOSS!

And now my life is forever scarred. For over a year I've been working side by side with this person and it isn't until now I see the real him. It's like I don't even know him.

Just sad, plain sad.

It's our society that is at fault. We've become too accepting. We are allowing these people to come out of the closet. It just isn't right.

And now they are making another movie about the show! Have we learned nothing from 9/11?

Technorati

I was viewing this blog SEOmoz on how to increase blog traffic. According to this blog I need to join Technorati. Now Technorati wants me to join it by creating a link to it.

Why?

I have no idea. I don't know if this will do anything for my site or not, but that's what it says to do, so I am doing it.

Here's the link: Technorati Profile

Now its spiders are suppose to pick up my site and do whatever it does. Whatever to the entire thing. Just ignore this post; I'm annoyed with it.

**Update**

I'm still playing around with this Technorati stuff and now something called Feedburner. I don't know exactly what I am doing, but I am signing up for a lot of stuff. Let's hope it works.

I'm also hacking the date on this post. I don't want it on top.

A Jolt of Energy

I'll be honest. My life was been very blah lately. I've had nothing much to report. That is until I went to Safeway today. I perked right up after seeing that Uncle Ben's Rice was on sale!

Yes, you heard me. Uncle Ben's Rice. But this isn't just any ordinary Uncle Ben's. This is the rice that comes in the personal serving sizes you microwave for 90 seconds. Usually they are $2.29 each, but today they were 4 for $5.

That's right, 4 for $5.

I was going to take all they had, but my neighborhood is kind of poor so I just didn't feel right about hording them away from the community's impoverished children. They deserve to benefit from this deal too.

Then I realized that the poor probably don't even own microwaves to make the packages in, so I took half.

What a great day!

Lessons from Celebrities

Today's lesson comes from Keifer Sutherland.

Keifer's Lesson: If you are going to get sent to jail for 48 days, make sure to do it during a writer's strike. No work, no foul.

Thanks, Keifer. I'll keep that in mind the next time I get a DUI.

Slow December

Wow, the number of my posts are down incredibly this month. I'm in a creative slump, I guess.

I will "rant" about one thing though. Proper e-mail etiquette concerning Ccing and Toing people.
In my office, I notice quite a bit that people like to Cc me but then place some of the higher ups in the To. Why are they Toed and I am Cced? The letter addresses all of us. Because they make more they get ranked higher in the email pecking order?

I don't think so. I am just as important as the bigwigs. To me, don't Cc me. I think the bosses will appreciate you Toing everyone too. It shows you are an egalitarian.

Now, if the letter doesn't address me and it is being sent to me more for an "FYI", then that's fine. Cc me all you want. But if you are addressing the letter to me and other people, have the common decency to To everyone equally!

Bleeding Gingiva

My gums are bleeding and I'm paranoid about it.

I bought a new toothbrush last week and now every time I brush, my gums bleed.

I don't know if this is caused by the new toothbrush being too rough or because my last toothbrush was so old that it wasn't properly brushing my teeth.

It is kind of freaking me out, which is causing me to overbrush, which is causing more gum irritation. I did some research on the internet and all of these could be the cause. What am to do?

Funny thing: During my research, I noticed that now the ADA recommends brushing only twice a day, not thrice? When did this change? Did they just give up trying to get people to brush three times a day?

***

As a blogger, did I just cross the line of giving too much information on one's life?

Who's Hot? Tila Tequila, That's Who!

Oh, Tila Tequila, you filthy, filthy whore. I have no idea how you became famous. I have never seen your show, listened to your music, or viewed your myspace page .

You're so trashy, you make New York seem sanitary. Your fame is ticking at 14 minutes and 35 seconds and you've used it well. I give you props for that.

Now go away.

Good Things About Winter

Winter hats help drowned out the sound of bums asking for change (Also works on tourists wanting directions).